Aladdin (Dir Guy Ritchie, 2h8m)

So it's come to this. It may come as no surprise that I'm not overly fond of Disney's current spate of live-action remakes; for every film that improves on its original (uh, Pete's Dragon, which was mostly live action to begin with), there are half a dozen mixed to bad ones. At best, they're a re imagining of classics with modern technology (and occasional inventive additions), at worst they're lazy, date like milk, and seem to be nothing short of a ploy to keep Disney classics from ever lapsing anywhere near the public domain.

So far, though, one could argue that, even in the case of Tim Burton's Hot Topic-ised and overlong Dumbo, that at least something new was always brought to the table, some addition that, if not reinventing the entire film, as in the case of Malificent, at least went some way to meriting what continue to be net needless exercises in money making, whilst keeping the parts that worked largely intact in faithful translations to the big screen. In short, a simple formula-if it ain't broke, don't fix it, has been followed pretty soundly since these films started out.

Enter Aladdin; a remake of the 1992, mid-Disney Renaissance action adventure film, by Guy Ritchie, a director who hasn't made a film that's made bank in eight years, and whose style is entirely unsuitable for a big budget musical. Under his hamfisted direction, which not only doesn't fix what was broken in the original, but proceeds to break the film wholesale, a magical Arabian adventure is turned into a boring, messy, badly shot, badly choreographed, plain bad film that is less to do with the romance and adventure of a mismatched couple of a street thief and a princess, and more to do with resuscitating Will Smith's career, as he butchers a role made for a funnier, more versatile, and much missed actor, in one of the single worst performances of a career increasingly littered with them.

Smith is, by far, the worst thing in the film-trying to even compare his leaden performance, in which every line is either a clanger or a groaner, to the versatile mix of improv, impressions, standup, and honest sincerity that Robin Williams brought to the role, is impossible-Smith has never done standup, has limited to no improvisional chops, and most of his late 90s charm has worn off years ago.  This film, above all, had to nail the Genie to even begin to escape the shadow of the original, needed someone with the adaptability, the unpredicability, of someone like Eric Andre or a lesser known actor or comedian.
Yet, nowhere is this gulf in ability more obvious than in the way that  their role as the Genie of the Lamp is marketed; it's common knowledge that Williams fell out with Disney because his appearance in the film was used to market it, despite his pleas not to. In the marketing Ritchie's version, no-one else gets a look-in-Will Smith is everywhere-it's this that is emblematic of their different approaches and why Smith's rendition fails quite so badly. Williams is the Genie, loses himself completely in the role, whilst Smith is too busy being Will Smith, too tight, despite the well-written quips to have the spontanteity, the flexibilty, the range that Williams brought, and not talented enough to take this in another direction.

This is before we get to the design-it wasn't much liked at its unveiling, and even in motion, it's not spectacular. It's just, at the end of the day, smurf-blue, CGI Will Smith-except when it's just normal Will Smith-and this is where the live action movie finally loses the plot. Williams' rendition was perfect because of the amorphous nature of the Genie-he could become anyone, anything, twist and adapt his body to anything he chooses, going hand in hand with his vocal and comedic aerobics to create one of the all-time Disney characters. Will Smith becomes, in his signature song "Never Had a Friend Like Me"...several Will Smiths. Sure, some of the time he spices some scenes up with magical pizazz, but it's either blue or regular Will Smith on screen.
Whether this shirking away from this aspect of the Genie came from Ritchie or Smith, in either regard, its to the film's detriment-worse still is how, frankly, poor Smith is generally. Gone is the warmth and gentleness of Williams, mixed with his rapid fire delivery-in its place is a cynical, snarky performance that rubs awkwardly up against the rest of the film, insulting Aladdin at points, overly slick at others, and, most bizarrely gaining a love interest, in the shape of Jasmine's stereotypically coquettish maid in waiting who accompanies him in the bookending scenes post his freedom.

 Ritchie is, unarguably the other major culprit in the film-it is, from start to finish badly shot, badly cut, badly framed and badly acted. Worst of these are the musical sequences-"Arabian Nights" whooshes around self-importantly like Return of the King's lighting the beacons sequence on steroids, in an attempt to introduce us to our major characters, which attempts to shoehorn a major plot point in as a "by the way" addition. "One Step Ahead" is edited and shot badly, with a strange, Matrix-esque effect at points slowing down Jasmine and Aladdin's dancing so that it honestly looks like frames of the film are missing wholesale, and additionally seems so bogged down in Ritchie's usual love of action that it forgets to have fun, and so on.
The choreography is also appallingly shot in these scenes-one occasionally gets the sense of something visually interesting at the back of scenes towered over by our main characters, but what with its messy shot framings, often over-complex costumes, and frankly, choreography that falls weirdly between street dance, Bollywood, and a complete smorgasbord of other, completely unconnected styles.
Nowhere is this sceen better than in "Prince Ali", which is, by far, the worst shot, worst choreographed sequence in the entire film, from its complete inability to keep the camera still, to its overly complex, overly muddled parade, to Will Smith mugging in front of the camera every chance he gets-it even, unfortunately, changes the lyrics. It's a mess of a sequence that drags as if it's trying to carry the weight of this entire film over the midway point, elephants, dancers and all. It makes, at points, you throw up your hands and exclaim that Guy Ritchie, director of countless adverts and at least a handful of music videos, must be better than this, as though he's lost his entire ability to direct down the back of the sofa.

Around this diabolical duo are, at least, actors trying their best. Mena Massoud is a likable enough Aladdin, with enough charm to push him through the worst of it, though he never feels polished enough to be the prince, nor cocky and street smart to be the thief, leaving us at an odd halfway house where he seems ill-adapted for both-with a little more polish, this would have been better but as it is, he seems a little lost in the mix. Far better realised is Jasmine (Naomi Scott), and, in my sole bit of credit to Ritchie, her chararacter is expanded, with the addition of a two part song, both of which are excellently done as the entire score and most of the (non-Smith based) singing is.
One of these songs, by the by, is the reprise of Speechless which is probably the best shot single sequence in the entire thing, principally because it concentrates upon her, has simple and well-paced choreography, and, in its music video stylings, actually keeps the camera focused, cuts neatly and never overcomplicates itself.  More importantly is Jasmine's narrative arc, fighting for a more equal society, in which she can has her own say, her own power, and be able to stand on her own two feet. It's a pity that it clunks around inside a hollow movie. Aside from a one-note expansion to Jafar, these are Ritchie's sole additions to the film.

But for every positive Ritchie adds, there are issues beyond count, and what one is left with is a sense of hollowness, that Aladdin, as so many Disney classics, are best left alone rather than be subjected-and subjected is the right word-to this treatment. Coupled with a truly exorable performance from Will Smith, with whom this film seems more interested than its true heroes, shoddy, half-arsed, overly showy camerawork, badly choreographed sequences, and a total lack of touch with the original, and one is left less with an Arabian Dream, but a Disney Nightmare. A truly abysmal film. Avoid at all costs, even if one needs to make a deal with a genie to do so.

Rating: Must Avoid